Please welcome to the ballroom...who?
Just like knowing the leaves will begin falling and the sun will start setting earlier, you can always count on Dancing With the Stars to announce a line-up of celebrity contestants so random that it turns the Internet into a collection of owls, asking "Who?!"
For season 30, which premieres on Monday, Sept. 20, the ABC reality hit has recruited a former Bachelor, a Spice Girl, a '90s heartthrob who is currently dating one of DWTS' professional dancers and one of the biggest YouTubers. Oh, and someone who was involved in the college admissions scandal.
Like we said, it's pretty darn varied and eclectic, which is why we like to conduct our annual (slightly shady) experiment to find out if an esteemed panel of five random people—a DWTS super-fan, a clueless Brooklynite-turned-Miami-transplant, a kindergarten teacher, a Gen-Z college graduate and a former entertainment reporter—to see if they had heard of each star.
So just how famous is DWTS' latest crop of celeb contestants? Let's find out...
DWTS Super-Fan: Is that that JoJo girl that has stuff out? I don't know what she did, but I know she has merchandise stuff. The blonde-haired girl?
Clueless Former Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: This kid's wardrobe looks like Easter M&M colors. Too much.
Kindergarten Teacher: Who? Say it again? Is that a Bachelorette?
Gen-z College Graduate: My girl. Hahaha, that's awesome!
Former Entertainment Reporter: She's a singer/huge teen star. My nieces love her.
Who She Really Is: A former Dance Moms star turned YouTube influencer with 12.3 million subscribers. The 18-year-old is making history as the first contestant to compete with a same-sex partner. JoJo came out as a member of the LGBTQ+ community in January and the DWTS producers gave the YouTube influencer a choice of selecting a male or female pro to be paired with.
DWTS Super-Fan: He's a Bachelor!
Clueless Former Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: I read he was planning to move in with his girlfriend.
Kindergarten Teacher: Yes! Cute Bachelor!
Gen-Z College Graduate: Sounds like a frat guy.
Former Entertainment Reporter: A former Bachelorette contestant? ABC synergy and all.
Who He Really Is: The first Black male lead in the Bachelor franchise, James, 29, handed out roses in season 25 and is still with his final pick Rachael Kirkconnell, the couple overcoming post-show controversy after racially insensitive photos of Kirkconnell surfaced online.
DWTS Super-Fan: Oh, that's oh what's her name from Full House's daughter. Aunt Becky's daughter. And Mossimo!
Clueless Former Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: Think Mom is gonna buy her higher scores? LOL GOTTEEMMMM!
Kindergarten Teacher: I do feel like I've heard that name before.
Gen-Z College Graduate: HAHAHA HATE THAT PRIVILEGED LIL BRAT.
Former Entertainment Reporter: LOL, seriously?
Who She Really Is: The 21-year-old daughter of Full House star Lori Loughlin and fashion designer Mossimo Giannulli. The YouTube influencer found herself at the center of the college admissions scandal last year when both of her parents pleaded guilty to conspiracy charges in connection with securing her a spot at USC.
DWTS Super-Fan: Oh gosh, he's with Sharna and he's Megan Fox's ex and I do happen to like him! He's hot.
Former Clueless Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: Terminator TV show?! LOL, so DWTS is where buried careers go.
Kindergarten Teacher: Oh, with Tori Spelling, right? What's that show? 90210!
Gen-Z College Graduate: Sounds like a country singer.
Former Entertainment Reporter: DAVID SILVER.
Who He Really Is: An actor best known for Beverly Hills, 90210. After his high-profile split from Megan Fox earlier this year, the 48-year-old began dating DWTS pro Sharna Burgess.
DWTS Super-Fan: The Spice Girl, right?
Clueless Former Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: Wait, Sporty Spice. Nevermind, she's taking it all.
Kindergarten Teacher: Oh, the Spice Girl! Wasn't she on it already?
Gen-Z College Graduate: Rapper?
Former Entertainment Reporter: Sporty Spice! My favorite Spice Girl.
Who She Really Is: A member of the Spice Girls, Mel C. was known as Sporty Spice. The 47-year-old has since performed as a solo artist.
DWTS Super-Fan: I have no idea, so I'll guess an athlete. Or that runway model?
Clueless Former Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: A Knicks draft pick!? Already a loser.
Kindergarten Teacher: Oh my god, are we digging in the hole here to find people?
Gen-Z College Graduate: Oh, he's on Grey's Anatomy, right?
Former Entertainment Reporter: Pretty sure he's a basketball player.
Who He Really Is: A professional basketball player for the Brooklyn Nets, the 31-year-old currently stars alongside his wife Teyana Taylor on E!'s newest reality series, We Got Love Teyana & Iman.
DWTS Super-Fan: A Housewife?
Clueless Former Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: A "Real" Housewife? Boo!
Kindergarten Teacher: Oooh, yes! Twirl, twirl, twirl!
Gen-Z College Graduate: Real Housewife!
Former Entertainment Reporter: KENYA MOORE HAIR CARE #RHOA
Who She Really Is: One of the stars of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Moore, 50, is also the founder of her own hair care brand, Moore Hair.
DWTS Super-Fan: Oh, from that Miz and Mrs. show?
Clueless Former Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: I'm pretty sure "The Miz" is short for mitzvah?
Kindergarten Teacher: I think I've heard that before, but I have no idea!
Gen-Z College Graduate: He's either a rapper or movie producer.
Former Entertainment Reporter: The nickname makes it seem like he's a wrestler or boxer or something.
Who He Really Is: After appearing on The Real World: Back to New York in 2001, he went onto join the WWE under the ring name "The Miz." The 40-year-old currently stars on Miz and Mrs. with his wife Maryse Ouellet.
DWTS Super-Fan: Oh, I'm happy for her doing this because what happened to her was awful.
Clueless Former Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: This human peloton is going to win.
Kindergarten Teacher: Crickets.
Gen-Z College Graduate: An Olympian maybe?
Former Entertainment Reporter: Coming out swinging by guessing TikTok star?
Who She Really Is: A co-host of The Talk, fitness instructor and author, Kloots, 39, was married to Broadway actor Nick Cordero, who died in July 2020 after suffering months of COVID-19-related complications.
DWTS Super-Fan: Football player?
Clueless Former Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: SWEEP THE F--KIN' LEGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Absolutely winning.
Kindergarten Teacher: Nope. No idea.
Gen-Z College Graduate: A composer?
Former Entertainment Reporter: Kreese! Cobra Kai forever!
Who He Really Is: An actor best known for playing John Kreese in The Karate Kid, a villainous role the 75-year-old reprises in Netflix's Cobra Kai.
DWTS Super-Fan: I feel like she's an Olympian?
Clueless Former Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: I wonder if being amazing at gymnastics helps with dancing...
Kindergarten Teacher: Am I old? Am I out of the loop?
Gen-Z College Graduate: Sounds like an Olympian.
Former Entertainment Reporter: Olympic gymnast.
Who She Really Is: The 18-year-old gymnast became one of the biggest stars at the 2020 Olympics this summer when she took when she took all-around gold following teammate Simone Biles' withdrawal.
DWTS Super-Fan: Hm...is he a Broadway guy?
Former Clueless Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: Googling showed his most recent post about "Things that require zero talent" but the list didn't include "making country music." Go figure...
Kindergarten Teacher: Noooope. No idea.
Gen-Z College Graduate: He could be a sitcom one-hit wonder actor type?
Former Entertainment Reporter: Former NFL player? There's always one.
Who He Really Is: A 35-year-old country music singer and songwriter best known for his singles "Best Shot" and "Make Me Want To."
DWTS Super-Fan: Um, no idea? Is this the Olympian?
Clueless Former Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: That's what she said.
Kindergarten Teacher: Is this in my century? I don't know anyone!
Gen-Z College Graduate: Hmm...sounds like the name of a rich lady who killed her husband. (After learning she was on The Office: OMG JAN! I LOVE HER, SHE WAS SO FUNNY. THE EPISODE WITH THE MINI TV AND HER THROWING THE SUNDEE SENDS ME INTO ORBIT.)
Former Entertainment Reporter: The one, the only JAN LEVINSON.
Who She Really Is: An actress best known for her time as Jan on The Office, Hardin has also appeared on Monk, Transparent and The Bold Type. The 54-year-old is also a singer.
DWTS Super-Fan: A Disney star.
Clueless Former Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: A "celebrity" Peloton instructor?! LOL DWTS, pick your shit up.
Kindergarten Teacher: Oh dear god, not a clue!
Gen-Z College Graduate: He sounds like he would have a classic Christmas album.
Former Entertainment Reporter: The name screams Disney star but I may be way off.
Who He Really Is: The 33-year-old celebrity Peloton instructor is one of the fitness platform's most popular personalities with 862,000 Instagram followers.
DWTS Super-Fan: Oh, the news anchor!
Former Clueless Brooklynite/Miami Transplant: Google said "the radiant and successful wife of a doctor." No idea who this is.
Kindergarten Teacher: Literally no idea.
Gen-Z College Graduate: Ice skating girl?
Former Entertainment Reporter: Does she host a house renovation show or something?
Who She Really Is: A cast member from the hit reality series Bling Empire on Netflix.
Dancing With the Stars returns on Monday, Sept. 20 at 8 p.m. on ABC.